I'm a Fake

Hello, my name is Ms. Smith.
I live on Greenham Common in a tent.
I wear flared jeans, walking boots, an anorak and a CND head scarf.
I'm a 'Ban the Bomb', lesbian, vegetarian, Women's Libber.

Instead of sending my children to school,
I teach them at home how to make wicker work nuclear fall-out shelters.

My hobbies are saving seals and meat-free meals.
Criticising every man I see and eating plates of brown rice for tea.
I go on a march at least twice a day.
I'm so glad to be rich and so glad to be gay.

Brown rice and wholemeal flour.
My favourite foods are edible flowers.
Dandelion wine and marigold tea.
My urine is made of pure, sweet pea.

My daughters are called Juniper and Jasmine,
my son is called Tansy.
I wonder why his school friends call him a pansy.
Maybe it's his patchwork swimming trunks,
or his lunch of pitta bread and pineapple chunks.

But sometimes I go home to Mummy.
I borrow her seal skin coat and snake skin shoes,
and we visit the local restaurant to gorge ourselves on steak.
I'm a fake.

I'm a fake.